Claire C. Riley
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Sneaky Peek : Z Children The Rising Cover Reveal

29/10/2015

0 Comments

 
It's almost here!!!!
Z-Children The Rising comes out in November and I'm so excited for you
to read it.
If you thought that book one was jam-packed with awesome gory madness,
and freaky zombie children, then just wait until you read book two!
Eli Constant and
B.V. Barr have been working hard on the sequel to the
first book - Z Children: Awakening and it's looking likely for book two's release
at the end of November!
Book One is currently on sale for .99c so one-click it while it's on sale!

(Make sure to go to the bottom of the post and find out how to enter the giveaway for an eBook copy of Let's Scare Cancer to Death, Fading Hope, Z Children: Awakening & Dead Trees 1. Courtesy of #bodzcrawl 2, giveaway ends Saturday 10/31/2015.)

Z Children The Rising
​ Cover Reveal (Click Cover To Expand)

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(Back text subject to change)

Z Children The Rising Blurb 
​(unofficial, subject to change)

The Z-Children have risen… and they’re hungry.
 
As a foghorn sounds loudly in the distance, attracting the hungry foaming mouths of the Z-Children to the Corpus Christi marina, Juan’s group stares across the water at the Fields’s boat. Susan and her family set sail for the safety of the wild blue ocean and she can only pray that she’s making the right decision in leaving everyone and everything behind her. Miles away, JW stares through his scope getting ready for the smash-and-grab of a lifetime and also wonders if he’s made the right choice.
Z-Children have swarmed the country faster than anyone could have predicted. What were once quaint family towns are now zombie-infested hellholes. The country is on its knees.
Groups of survivors will divide and face separate horrors. Those with little hope will finally reconnect with loved ones, just to be ripped apart once again. And new characters with tragic stories and the hunger to survive will enter the picture.
In Z Children: The Rising, the red war continues to rage between Z-Children and the rest of mankind.​ 
“The second instalment of the Z-Children series is even better than the first. More action, more terror, more tears, and more death.”

Claire C. Riley
Bestselling British Horror writer

And USA Today bestseller


EXCERPT
(Unedited, subject to change)

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JW
I had done it again--listened to a noob and we'd ended up stuck.
***
The doctor had convinced me that the safest way out of the hospital was through the construction area. Sure, it was safe with not a Z kid in sight, but safety had ended at the cafeteria. And that was about as safe as razor blades in a birthday piñata. I should have asked more questions before taking Chris's word.
The fucking cafeteria was crawling with the monsters—short and tall.
Z adults were ambling about. One was knocking its head into the wall repeatedly as if trying to lodge something from memory. Maybe its living name or maybe some image that wouldn’t die along with its humanity. There was a cluster of Z kids on the serving counter. Two were straddling a tall woman—not a woman, a Z adult now—with rich brown skin and curly hair that was coated in a layer of, what looked like, whipped cream.
The monster kids were everywhere really, outnumbering the adults by a mile. They’d gathered here, apparently, for the junk food. Surprise, surprise. Kids will be kids, even when they're certifiably undead—like those creepy ass triplets outside the ice cream shop when I’d first seen Virginia. Just perched on the trunk of that car, enjoying scoops of quickly-melting chocolate in the sunshine.
Watching the Zs in the cafeteria—munching on candy bars, ding-dongs and moon pies—would have almost been comical except for the fact that these junk-food-loving monsters also craved human flesh and blood.
***
A mere two yards from the door that was protecting us from the chaos within the cafeteria, was a Z boy who was studying something on the floor intently. Following his (no, its…I had to keep reminding myself that they weren’t boys or girls or kids. They were ‘its’. Monsters. Creatures. Zombies. Undead.) gaze toward the pale industrial tile, I saw something miniscule and black rushing across the smooth surface. A bug of some type.
The Z kid followed the insect, eventually falling to all fours and moving like the animal it was. The bug’s trajectory took it further away from our position. I wondered how long the monster would chase the insect, how long it would be distracted.
I didn’t have to wonder for long.
Seconds later the Z pounced, slamming his fingers around the tiny bug’s body and screeching in triumph. Bringing his domed hands to his eyes, he peered into a small gap between his digits to admire his prize.
Then, in a lightning-fast motion, he slammed his hands against his mouth. When he brought them down again, they were no longer shaped into a small cage. And the insect was gone.
Now, I’d eaten worse—in the field, when wildlife gets into your food, you suck it up and swallow it down (roaches in brazil come to mind)—but watching the boy play hunter and eat his catch made bile rise inside my mouth. It was just a bug, just a damn bug, but I wanted to shoot the Z over it.
Maybe it was because watching the monster chase the bug was too lifelike. It was something I’d seen children do—so fascinated by ants on the sidewalk. I didn’t like it. If these Z kids were dead creatures, horrible and blood-thirsty, then they should not be allowed innocent actions and awareness.
It was just fucking wrong.
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Add Z Children: The Rising to your Goodreads shelf

Z Children: Awakening
EXCERPT
(Available Now On Amazon)

It didn’t open! What the hell? I pushed harder and looked down to see if the door was locked. My eyes were greeted by a little red sign over the release lever. HOLD FOR 15 SECONDS UNTIL ALARM SOUNDS. Crap. That’s less than ideal. They’re going to hear that sucker a mile away and make a beeline for my ass. Holding my breath, I pushed and held the release in place.
The emergency alarm blared to life and a split-second later, the door clicked and swung open. Without hesitation, I bolted across the threshold and ran. My legs pumped back and forth, my sensible shoes slapping the pavement in a rushed rhythm.
A gunshot sounded to my left and I turned quickly, almost falling over my own feet and face-planting on the asphalt. John Croxton, one of the deputy sheriffs, was firing warning shots over a crowd of people moving toward him. Coming to a halt, I opened my mouth to yell, to warn him that the mob couldn’t be reasoned with. I saw the children in the crowd, they moved faster than the adults, moved toward John… closer, closer. John fired again. I couldn’t look away. Morbid fascination- a brutal car crash on the freeway.
The children were upon him now. I watched as his body disappeared beneath the swarm of ringlets and bloody, cherub cheeks. I listened as he fired a last desperate shot into the air. And then his gun was silenced, replaced by his screams… an infinitely more disturbing sound than a gun shot.
Something told me to move, something primitive, something ancient. My inner self prodded me to run- like a hot poker on my backside. I snapped into action. The emergency alarm was still screeching and the infected children were beginning to look my way. My feet started pounding against the pavement again. I counted the footfalls, trying to ignore the snarling and spitting in the distance behind me.
I was almost at my house. So close. Only one more street to cross.
Everything around me was in ruin. People were screaming; a man was beating a child with a garbage can; an elderly woman was lying on the ground, an old wooden cane her only defense against an attacker with blonde pigtails. Percy, the local handyman, was fending off a preteen with a hammer. But he couldn’t defend himself from all sides. I gasped as a boy bounded on all fours towards Percy from behind. I was close enough to hear the squelching, flesh-ripping sound as the man lost a chunk of his calf. I flinched as Percy fell forward, the hammer useless against such calculated viciousness.
It was too much. I couldn’t handle this. How could I survive on my own? When so many were dying… so much fear?
I pushed harder, sprinting as fast as I could, fully focused on getting to my house. Getting to a phone. Because I realized that I didn’t have to be alone. It was a stupid, stupid time to realize that I needed Chris. But I did. I needed Chris. Not just because the world had gone to shit, but because if the world went to shit, I’d want to be with Chris until the end. It was just that simple.
Right foot down. Left foot down. Right foot down. Left foot down.
I could do this; I could make it home, pack a bag, and take the Jag to Dallas. I’d get Chris. We’d be safe together. And I’d wear that damn engagement ring with pride.
All I could think about was Chris now. I should have been paying attention to my surroundings.
Crossing the last street, I didn’t look left or right.
Just a little further and I’d be home.
The car seemed to come out of nowhere- they always do when you aren’t paying attention.
Add it to your Goodreads’ shelf
​

1-click on Amazon.com 

1-click on Amazon.co.uk
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About The Authors

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ELI CONSTANT
Eli attended USC-L, Columbia College, Texas A&M, & George Mason University. She studied everything from Mariculture to Differential Equations. Settling on Biology, Eli participated in research fellowships in Texas and at NIH, worked a few random jobs, and finally settled into a Virginia lab where she focused on mastering diagnosis procedures and implementations of histology and pathology.

Choosing to be a dedicated homemaker after the birth of her first child, Eli rediscovered her passion for writing—a passion once alive and kindled during her time at Charleston School for the Arts in SC as a child.

Now, nearly four years later, she's never regretted the decision; not only are her kids the most amazing creatures, but writing fulfills her soul in a way science never did.
Her style is eclectic and she frequently produces true mash-ups of style and genre. Her characters are real—light and dark and everything in between—and her storylines, although sometimes convoluted, often hide deeper core meaning that makes her readers truly think.

Eli is the author of Dead Trees, Dead Trees 2, Mastic, The Water is Sweeter, Sleeping in the Forest of Shadows, DRAG.N & Z Children: Awakening. She is a contributing author to Let’s Scare Cancer to Death, State of Horror: New Jersey, State of Horror: Illinois, & Fading Hope. Her books are available in eBook, paperback, & audio formats.


Stalk Eli on social media

Twitter
Facebook
Amazon Author Page
Goodreads
Wordpress

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B.V. BARR
Ben has been teaching Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape (SERE) since 1981 when he joined the USAF as a “Survival Instructor”. In that Thirty plus year period he has taught all aspects of SERE, trained at both domestic and international schools, written SERE doctrine and instruction, researched and developed cutting edge techniques for dealing with both psychological and physical challenges and injuries, tested equipment and wrote evaluations on results. He is a Master Instructor.
The groups and individuals whom Ben has instructed and/or developed programs for include people from various military branches, government agencies, and civilians from all different backgrounds. Members of the Rangers, Green Berets, Pararescue, Combat Control, Navy SEALs, Air Force Crew Members and MARSOC are just some who Ben has taught. Outside the military he has taught people from the DEA, Local Law Enforcement, Department of Natural Resources, the FBI and other Federal Agencies. Equally adept at teaching civilian groups, Ben has instructed various lessons and developed programs for groups such as the Girls Scouts of America, South Carolina public schools, Covenant Heights and others.
​

Unlike many Instructors in the “survival training” world, Ben brings to the table both experience from training as well as experience from some of the toughest streets and locations in the world. Ben has won Instructor of the Year three times, nominated for twelve outstanding Airman awards, awarded numerous decorations and developed some of the most complex and sophisticated training courses in the world. Based on this, Ben has created courses in Travel Safety, Hostage Survival, Field Survival and now exclusive to the Universal Survival Innovations World, “Street Smarts” and “Get of the X”, both of which have their bases in real training for highly specialized people.
Ben just isn’t another Instructor. In many cases He wrote the book.
Z Children: Awakening was his first foray into fictional publishing.

Giveaway *associated with #bodzcrawl2, ends Saturday 10/31/2015


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ENTER HERE
​

RAFFELCOPTER
Happy reading my little book whores!  

Claire xxx
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Band of Dystopian Authors & Fans Zombie Crawl 2 Blog Party

23/10/2015

1 Comment

 
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Happy Friday zombie lovers, and welcome to day two of the
BOD Zombie Crawl 2 Blog Party!


There’s some great posts coming up over the next week, with some amazing prizes
to be won, so make sure you keep checking back to each blog and entering the
different giveaways.

I have a giveaway going for a kindle copy of the first in my zombie series –
Odium The Dead Saga, and also some cool little swag items
– finger pen, zombie ribbon bookmark, Odium badge, zombie stickers and more!
I’m looking forward to getting to know you all, have a great zombie crawl!

 
 

Zombie post
 
Why zompoc? Why not?
It’s not just the zombies that I like writing about so much as the apocalyptic world that they
get to roam freely in. It’s not the death and destruction that they reap, but the life that they
are filled with. Or at least, was once filled with. And are now refilling themselves with it like
cars at a gas station.

Why zombies? Because the possibilities are endless, that’s why.
Because zombies open up new worlds to us. If the dead can walk, then what else is
out there? What other horrors can exist?
Extra-terrestrials? ‘Helloooo, ET calling, can someone pick up?’
Mermaids? Unicorns? The freaking Lock Ness Monster?
Anything is possible. Absolutely anything! And that is exciting. That opens up my mind to
a whole world of possibilities.

But back to zombies.
I write about them and the perfect and most beautifully disgusting way that they rot. The way
that they chase you mindlessly and endlessly through barren worlds and destroyed cities.
I find them deeply fascinating, the very idea that the dead could get up and walk about.
And hey, even zombies deserve a little love.
Most people that don’t read zompoc believe that all zombie stories are the same. Mindless monsters chasing after humans to eat their brains. They’re gory and bloody and violent
stories and nothing more than that. But that’s ridiculous in my opinion. That’s like saying all dystopian books are the same, when in reality there are literally thousands of upon
thousands of different scenarios for dystopian worlds. Or all horror books are the same
and there’s only one type of monster and he lives under your bed, eats your socks and
is called Pricilla (FYI. He’s actually called Dave and he bites your toes off when you sleep,
but I’m digressing!)

Anyone who reads zompoc will tell you that most of the really good books aren’t even

about the zombies, they’re merely the backdrop for the plot. Because zompoc is all
about the people—both alive and dead, of course. It’s about settings and character
development, carving and weaving a tale where people are put under the most stressful
situations you could ever imagine being in and then seeing what happens when you stir
that pot of hell up for them.

It’s about choices, decisions, morality and who you really are deep down.
Zompoc isn’t just about zombies anymore than science fiction is just about aliens.
Sure there’s gore and blood, (can’t have zombies without a rotting corpse) but for the
most part, it’s about questioning yourself and your own judgement. That’s what’s so
enjoyable. It’s like reading one of those books you had as a kid where you got to choose
the outcome at the end of each chapter. Turn to page 203 if you want Barry to run after the
zombie and try to kill it, or turn to page 89 if you want Barry to hide like the little pansy girl
that he is.
(FYI. Barry died a painful and brutal death on page 45 because he was a little
bitch and didn’t double tap.)

Anyone that reads zompoc, reads it and makes their own choices as they go along, whether consciously or subconsciously. They’re addictive, they’re competitive—who would live the
longest? (FYI. Me) They’re interesting, they can be funny, they’re gory, they have real emotions—whether writing about the hard hitting ex-army dude who’s fighting to get back to
his wife and kid, or the single white female that’s been through hell and isn’t going to take
anymore shit from life. Each character makes different choices, and it’s interesting as hell
to see what those choices will be. Because that’s what real life is about (minus the actual
zombies of course) Your choices, your morality, and your decisions.

We read zompoc to get away from real life, and yet really, we’re closer to real life when
reading them than you would think.

 
Thanks for reading. I hope that you enjoy the rest of the blog crawl.


Please remember to visit all of the stops and ‘share’ ‘like’ and ‘enter’ all of the giveaways! There are some great participants this year and I hope that you meet some new authors and blogs.
 
Your zombie loving host, Claire


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Claire C. Riley is a USA Today and International bestselling author. She is also a bestselling British horror writer. Her work is best described as the modernization of classic, old-school horror. She fuses multi-genre elements to develop storylines that pay homage to cult classics while still feeling fresh and cutting edge. 
She writes characters that are realistic, and kills them without mercy. Claire lives in the United Kingdom with her husband, three daughters, and one scruffy dog.

​Author of:
#1 Bestselling Odium The Dead Saga Series
Odium Origins Novella Series
Limerence (The Obsession Series)

Thicker than Blood Series

Don't Forget To Enter My Giveaway At The Bottom Of The Page, Thanks For Your Time :)

z crawl schedule

Zombie Crawl 2 - Blog Party

October 22 - 31, 2015

by Band of Dystopian Authors & Fans

How it works: Each day, the scheduled authors and bloggers will post awesome zombie-tastic content for your enjoyment along with a giveaway on their site/blog/page. You can hop around to all of the participating sites and enter as many giveaways as you like! If you would like to be emailed links to the new posts each day, join this Zombie Crawl Daily Digest list which will ensure you don't miss a post (or join the party on Facebook to get notifications). Make sure to leave comments and interact with the participating sites. Thanks for joining the party!

The Schedule:

OCTOBER 22 - Thursday

Band of Dystopian Authors & Fans (Party & Grand Prize Host)

Jo Michaels Blog (author)

Rissa Blakeley (author)



OCTOBER 23 - Friday

Claire C. Riley (author)

2 Girls & A Book (blog)

Emily Shore (author)



OCTOBER 24 - Saturday

Kathy Dinisi (author)

Us Girls & A Book (blog)

The Voluptuous Book Diva (blog 18+)



OCTOBER 25 - Sunday

Casey L. Bond (author)

THE KATY blog (blog)



OCTOBER 26 - Monday

Saul Tanpepper (author)

Warren Fielding (author)

The Leighgendarium (blog)



OCTOBER 27 - Tuesday

Kody Boye (author)

Rhiannon Frater (author)

ER Arroyo (author)

OCTOBER 28 - Wednesday

Allen Gamboa (author)

Armand Rosamilia (author)

Ethan @ One Guy's Guide to Good Reads (blog)



OCTOBER 29 - Thursday

Kate L. Mary (author)

aftershockzombieseries (author)

Eli Constant (author)



OCTOBER 30 - Friday

Aria Michaels (author)

Brian Parker (author)

Mama Reads Hazel Sleeps (blog)



OCTOBER 31 - Saturday

Cindy Carroll (author)

M. R. Pritchard (author)

Toni L.H. Boughton (author)

Digital Dirty Girl (blog)

To learn more about Band of Dystopian and/or to enter our Grand Prize Giveaway, visit BandofDystopian.com and don't forget to join the group on Facebook!

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My Zombie Crawl 2 Giveaway

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a Rafflecopter giveaway
Happy reading my little book whores

Claire xxx
1 Comment

Odium The Dead Saga Origins Stories  Cover Redesign Reveal

21/10/2015

2 Comments

 

Hey guys! I'm just dropping in to show you the amazing new covers that the wonderful
Eli Constant has designed for the rebranding of my Odium Origin series. 
She's done a superb job and I'm so pleased with how they have turned out. I hope
you like them too.
Odium 3.5 The Dead Saga Origin Stories will be out early Spring, and will feature some
of the characters from Odium III.
But for now, there is only around two weeks left to wait to get your hands on
Odium 0.5 Nina's Origin--a prequel to the entire series
.
I've been asked repeatedly for her full backstory, and I can't wait to share it with you.

Claire xxx

Odium 1.5 The Dead Saga Origin Stories

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When hell claws its way up from the dark depths of the earth, and the dead begin to walk, for most it can only mean one thing—death. But for some, the zombie apocalypse is only the beginning of a dark yet brave new life for them. 

For some, the apocalypse offers freedom from their burdens. For others it’s a deeper torment and more unforgiving life than they ever thought possible. And for others, it’s a disguise to hide their crimes.

The coward, the street rat, the hero, and the lovers, everyone has their place. What really decides your fate in this new existence, nature, or nurture? Who people become when the world goes to hell is the true decider on someone’s humanity, and will ultimately decide your fate. 

Forever changed, these people have to learn to adapt to this dangerous and dark new world before they become one of the living dead themselves.

Odium Origins 1.5 is a 50’000 word novella to accompany the full length novel Odium. The Dead Saga

Odium 2.5 The Dead Saga Origin Stories

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When hell claws its way up from the dark depths of the earth, and the dead begin to walk, for most it can only mean one thing—death. But for some, the zombie apocalypse is only the beginning of a dark yet brave new life for them. 

For some, the apocalypse offers freedom from their tragic lives. For others it’s a chance to show that looks can be deceiving. And for others, it’s an opportunity ripe for the taking. 

The Bimbo, The Book Nerd, The Hero, & The Friends, everyone has their place. What really decides your fate in this new existence, nature, or nurture? Who people become when the world goes to hell is the true decider on someone’s humanity, and will ultimately decide your fate. 

Forever changed, these people have to learn to adapt to this dangerous and dark new world before they become one of the living dead themselves. 

Odium Origins 2.5 is a 50’000 word novella to accompany the full length novel Odium. The Dead Saga

Happy reading my little book whores. Thank you for your continued support!

Claire xxx
2 Comments

Book Release Spotlight: Twisted Magic Raven's Cove Series Book 1

14/10/2015

0 Comments

 

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It’s a darkness that doesn’t want to let go... 

After being banished from her coven five years ago, Sarah vowed to stay away from black magic forever and instead tried to embrace the life of a white witch. However, now a family death has brought her back to her hometown of Raven’s Cove, and the good little witch is in line to inherit a powerful gift. 

Peter is invisible. Voiceless. Imprisoned in the little cottage in the woods with no way out, waiting for the day that someone will set him free, even as his hope fades. He comes from a coven of white witches, yet was always tempted by the power of dark magic. 

Sarah and Peter find themselves drawn together, and they soon learn that to escape the dark magic that controls them, they must first learn to embrace it. 

Because the only way to rise out of the ashes is to first burn everything down to the ground. ​

PURCHASE LINKS
AMAZON USA
AMAZON UK

Promo Art


Happy reading my little book whores. Thank you for your continued support!

Claire xxx
0 Comments

Book Release Spotlight: Submerged By Katie Hayoz

13/10/2015

0 Comments

 
Submerged Banner 26396993 
  Add to Goodreads
Synopsis

WHAT IF EVERYTHING YOU KNEW ABOUT YOURSELF WAS A LIE?

Melusine Doré is as practiced at guarding a secret as she is at wielding a weapon. Yet her past refuses to stay buried. Her worst fears are realized when Melusine and her companion, Levi, get called to hunt a beast in her birthplace of Malheur. The second she sets foot on her native soil, nothing proceeds as she planned: a beautiful tinker sets her sights on Levi, a gentle monster kills for sport, and an admission of love becomes a betrayal. Melusine comes face to face with the lies of her family’s past—and a truth that could destroy her.

Adventure number two in the Clockwork Siren series, Submerged takes us from the muddy trenches of steampunk Chicago to the sticky swamps of Louisiana to the slippery side of love.

Submerged Teaser

the series
Immersed

GRAB IT NOW FOR ONLY $.99!

AMAZON * AMAZON UK

Buy Links

AMAZON * AMAZON UK

About the author
Katie
Katie grew up in Racine, Wisconsin where she acquired an irreversible nasal twang and an addiction for books with a slightly dark edge. She now lives in Geneva, Switzerland with her husband, two daughters, and two fuzzy cats. She has been an avid reader of YA fiction for years. While she has a penchant for the paranormal, she devours a range of books -- along with popcorn and black licorice. She consumes all three in large quantities. Luckily, the books don't stay on her hips.

Website * Facebook * Twitter

Hosted By:
Hype PR PNG
I think I'm actually a little bit in love with this cover. It's creepy and yet beautiful
all at the same time!
Get one-clicking this book by the wonderful Katie Hoyez. Her exact words are
'join my favourite kickass killer in a corset on her 2nd adventure.' Well, with that kind of tag-line, I can't resist! Book one is currently only 99c so one-click today and get started on this great series.


Happy reading my little book whores!  

Claire xxx
0 Comments

Book Release Spotlight: Shadow Forest Book 1 By Eli Constant

5/10/2015

0 Comments

 
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Eli lives in Virginia with her husband, three kids, and rescue dog. She attended USC-L, Columbia College, Texas A&M, & George Mason University.
Settling on Biology, Eli participated in several research fellowships (in Texas and at NIH in MD), worked a few random jobs, and finally settled into a Sterling, Virginia lab where she focused on mastering practical histology and pathology procedures and applications.
Choosing to be a dedicated homemaker after the birth of her first biological child, Eli rediscovered her passion for writing. She's never regretted the decision; not only are her kids the most amazing creatures, but writing fulfills her soul in a way science never did.
 
 
Eli is the author of:
The Dead Trees Series (dystopian horror)
The Z Children Series (post-apocalyptic)
Mastic (supernatural suspense)
The Water is Sweeter (dark fantasy romance)
DRAG.N (dystopian thriller)
and more…
 
Contact Links:

Facebook | Amazon Author Page | Goodreads | Wordpress | Twitter |


About The Book

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Sleeping in the Forest of
Shadows

 
SHADOW FOREST BOOK ONE

 
 
She has to abandon the world of light to truly live...


When Tilda Brennen’s family dies in a fire, she is left wheelchair-bound and suffering from survivor's guilt. It was her fault. She'd left the candles burning that night.

But there is a deeper, darker truth to the accident.

“He” has slept for years, dormant and untouched by the human world. Then she arrives at the little house beyond the woods and he awakens. He has waited so long for another chance. This time, he will not fail.

Going to the voice that summons her may heal Tilda’s body, but it will also cause her to lose everything she’s come to love. And once she enters the forest of shadows, returning to human life might prove impossible.
 
 
Sleep here in the forest of shadows. Live inside the land of your dreams.

Read the entire first chapter below!

Cover & First Chapter

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Chapter One

Through the Glass
 
 
It calls to me. It is calling to me now.
 
 
The thing that has no face—that thing that is nothing, but is somehow everything—is hiding outside my window, far off across the field, past the fence, cloaked by the forest’s dark shadows. Once, some time ago, before my mother was forced to leave this home, it called to her. I don’t know how I know this, but I do. Now, I am here and I’m like her in so many ways. The same crow-dark hair atop my head, the same olive green eyes with rings of silver that are often obscured by my thick-framed glasses, and the same aristocratic upturn at the end of my nose—a physical trait that is infinitely unattractive in my opinion.
It thinks I am her. So, it calls to me.
But my mother was vibrantly alive and healthy and adventurous when she was my age.
I am not vibrant or healthy or adventurous.
I am crippled, wheelchair-bound. If I’m honest with myself, the voice that I hear in my head could be nothing more than the imaginings of a girl who has lost so much, a girl who has a great and terrible desire to be wanted. But something inside of me says the thing is real. So very, very real.
 
At nearly eighteen, I should be starting my senior year with all of my friends…with my best friend Charlie. Especially her. There’s so much that we’d planned to do together Senior year and now I’ve ruined that along with the laundry list of other things my touch has spoiled. I just could not bring myself to face that life with all its walking, talking, chatting students. The kids who thought life was about parties and books. Because I know the truth now. Life is not fun and games. It’s not about tomorrow. It’s a tragedy in which you inexplicably live when everyone else—all those who are better and kinder people than you are—die.
Sometimes, I wish I hadn’t survived, that I’d died along with my mother and father and little brother Toby. But I did not die. I’m very much alive and breathing. And self-pity is an ugly, ugly thing that keeps life at bay. That’s something I have to keep telling myself. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, Tilda. Other people have it worse off, Tilda. 
I only listen to myself sometimes.
I only believe myself sometimes.
My life is loneliness, like I am still outside our home hoping the firemen will carry my family out and that they will be unscathed. But when they do carry them out, they are burned, blackened, unrecognizable, and they are dead. My eleven-year-old baby brother. I still see him in my nightmares—how his pajamas, several inches too short in the legs, are burned through in places to reveal flaking, charred skin.
 
Looking through the glass, which is bubbled and wavy so that the world outside is always a distortion of reality, I can hear my Aunt Jen yelling my name. Her voice is loud and threatens to ruin my connection with whatever lies beyond the wall of great pines and thick foliage. Real or not, the ever-strengthening threads that connect me with it are something I can cleave too, a tether of security as I stand on the precipice, my childhood behind me and the great chasm of adulthood yawning in front of me. Life isn’t always beautiful. No, sometimes it is a gnarly, thorn-bearing fruit that cuts the throat as you swallow. Reality is bitter and bloody.
A singular tear, wet and salty, escapes my right eye and crawls down my face. The slowness of its movement is nearly unbearable. I wipe it away with the corner of my shirt and stare at the woods, one part of my brain cataloging the details of the landscape as the rest of my mind wanders away to other things.
The bright shades of the emerald forest have just started changing, their tips becoming ochre and crimson. I do not look forward to the dull browns that will come after the fleeting and vivid shades of fall. Even though autumn has always been my favorite season, when I can hide my tall frame and thick hips beneath the folds of fuzzy sweaters and patterned scarves, I do not relish in it now. Besides, I am always sitting these days—my hips out of sight and away from scrutinizing peers with slim hips and perfect skin.
 
 In my old life, the changing of seasons would bring Thanksgiving and Dad’s turkey; it would bring Christmas and decorating the tree. Toby would place the star atop the fir. That was always his job.
Truly, fall and winter hold little magic for me now.
Magic. As if there is such a thing. Magic can’t be real in a world where families senselessly die.
 
“Matilda Elisabeth!” Jen yells my given name, even though I hate it with a passion, and that hatred is what destroys the veil and disconnects the faceless thing from my mind. As its calling fades, I feel the hum of discomfort returning to my body. The siren call from the forest often makes me forget how much I hurt inside. The aching pain that swells so large at times that I think my chest will burst. “Tilda, seriously, come on! Your appointment is in twenty minutes!”
“Coming.” I don’t bother yelling back at her. The house is not gigantic; my voice carries easily down the hallway. I think Jen just likes raising her voice, hearing the octaves change as she gets louder. My responses aren’t always so calm; often, I scream back at her until we are both mad and brash things filling the house with discord.
It takes me time to move from the bay window seat to the wheelchair. I’m still getting the hang of it. Aunt Jen has picked me up off the floor more than once. I’m lucky the house is one story, that the doorways are wide—which is unusual in such an old farmhouse.
Despite everything, I love it here with Jen and I can’t imagine what would have happened to my mother’s family home if my grandparents had sold it rather than willing it to Jen. It was in poor shape and my aunt has put her life’s savings into restoring it the way it once was when she was a child—bright white siding, hanging flower pots screaming with irreverent color, hunter green storm shutters and even the rooster-shaped weather vane atop the roof. The only thing Jen hasn’t repaired is the fencing along the edge of the woods.
Several of the fence posts are crooked in the ground and the paint is peeling, but it is still white enough to be stark against the darkness of the thickly grouped trees in the forest. Sometimes, leaving something undone is a promise for tomorrow. It’s a stupid thing to think.
Finally, I am in the wheelchair, but I find that I do not want to move.
I hate to leave this room and reenter the world outside, because Jen has made my room so wonderful. It is my own little sanctuary.
The walls are a soft gray and the curtains are an ethereal, gauzy white embroidered with delicate ivory flowers. The chandelier above my bed is original to the house, but it has been restored so that the pale yellow flower sconces are sunny and re-glazed. Everything has been picked out with so much care—the paisley pillows, the pastel throw blanket, the faux fur rug that is so soft. I’ve felt the material a hundred times with my fingers, imagining how it would feel under my feet, imagining how my toes would sink into the luxurious fibers. It makes me sad that I cannot stand on it each morning after waking.
My room is the best room in the house really, the largest. Jen doesn’t want the room for herself; maybe she just feels sorry for me after everything.
When they were children, Jen and my mom shared the room—up until my mom was shipped off to boarding school at sixteen. My mother never explained why she was forced to go and Jen was allowed to stay. Maybe the room just reminds Jen too much of mom. Maybe it reminds her that her sister is dead. I find it comforting, because I can feel mom here. But I can also understand. I see the grief and pain in Jen’s eyes sometimes when she looks at me—how her expression goes blank because of how much I resemble mom. She’s called me Heather once or twice and she rarely comes into the room while I am here, like I am the ghost of my mother and seeing me in the room is too much to handle.
“Seriously, Tilda, come on!” Jen’s voice is louder and more insistent.
“It’s not like this is easy,” I mumble under my breath, trying to call up some angry, but I can’t really be angry, not with Jen. She didn’t have to give me a place to live, assume the burden of caring for a crippled niece, but she did. And she chooses to care for me every day. I half expect her to wake up one morning and have changed her mind.
 
As I begin to move toward the door, I feel a pressure in my stomach. A hook in my navel linked to a line that is desperately trying to yank me backwards—to the window, to the thing that is calling to me. I am connected once again. The call is getting louder. I’ve only been here a few months and each day the summons becomes more compelling.
My hands are already hurting from gripping the wheels of my chair and I’ve barely moved at all—just a few yards out of my room and down the hall towards Jen’s little art studio next to the kitchen. I know I need to get stronger, that recovery will be a long road. If I can recover. The doctors say there’s only a fifty-fifty chance that I’ll walk again. The beam that fell on my back was so heavy. I remember the sound my body made when it crashed into me and how it felt—that unsettling crunch as my body caved inward, the way the lower half of my body went numb after the initial sharp, excruciating pain.
 
My aunt is standing, still wearing her paint-covered apron and working on a large piece, the largest yet. It nearly blocks the longest wall. It’s a line of three robed figures and the only colors she is using are purple, blue, and white, but somehow she’s created such depth that the figures seem to walk off the canvas and come towards me. It touches me for some reason. I want to be one of them, a robed girl hiding me from the world.
But they are walking.
And I am not. 
“Do you like it?” Jen says over her shoulder, not looking at me. “It’s almost finished.” She turns around, hands on hips, a satisfied smile on her face.
“Yeah. It’s nice I guess.” It’s such an understatement. I love the painting, but it’s so hard to be positive about things these days. “Why were you yelling at me if you’re not even ready?” I huff, rubbing the palms of my hands roughly to drive away the soreness.
“Because I can give you a rolling head start, take off my apron, put on my shoes, grab my purse and still beat you out to the car with time to spare.”
“I’m not that slow.” I grumble, not amused—but my aunt certainly is; her face is stretched in a self-satisfied grin.
“Don’t mumble.” Jen turns away from me and applies a streak of bright white next to a stretch of deep blue.
“I grumbled. There’s a difference.”
“Oh really?” She turns to me, cleaning her brush with a stained cotton cloth.
“If I mumble, it can be for any reason. Grumbling means that I’m mumbling because I’m unhappy, displeased, despondent or generally grumpy.”
“If you say so. Grumbling or mumbling or anything in between. How about we toss the ‘tude and get to your appointment.” Jen unties her apron, takes it off, and lets it fall to the floor. “How’s your bag before we go?”
Frowning, I feel the collection sack strapped to my leg. It’s still very flat. “It’s fine.” I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to the catheter and waste collection set up, but it’s a fact of my life now. One of the many joys of paraplegia. Cringing, I place my still-throbbing hands on the wheels again and I make my way to the kitchen door—it whines like a dying cat when you open it, because Jen forgets to oil it, no matter how many times I remind her. I’d do it myself, but the spray is in a bottom shelf in the pantry—one of the only rooms in the house with a doorway too narrow for my chair.
 We always enter and exit out the back, because that’s where the ramp is. Jen has taken to parking on the lawn by the ramp instead of the front drive. It makes it easier for me, but I always feel bad when I see where the grass is dying.
Things seem to die around me, especially things that I love. 
 
 
And I love grass, as stupid as that sounds. I love the feel of it on my bare feet; I love stretching out on it beneath a warm sun, and I love the way it smells when it is fresh-cut. So, inevitably, all the beautiful emerald blades are turning brown. Because things that I love die. This is a fact that haunts me.

 
 
 
 
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Claire xxx
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