Zombie Survival 101

22/5/2013

Last year I asked on my Facebook page if anyone was willing to fill in a short survival questionnaire for me and in return I would put them in the book, or at least use their name in the book. The response was amazing, and I got some great answers, for which I can't thank you enough.
At the time, I also filled one in. Here's my answer to the questionnaire.
I'm having a great time writing Odium,and it's thanks to some of your great and not so great answers haha. I'll be posting up some of the answers that you gave me as the time draws near to publication.

So… it’s the end of the world as we know it.

Zombies… the dead… the living-dead… maggot infested bodies… stinking, brain eating corpses… (well, I think you get who I’m talking about) are taking over the world.

Your neighbours, your friends, your family members… they are all coming back from the dead, and they are hungry for braaaaaaaaaains… (and pretty much anything else they can sink their teeth into.)

Let’s test your survival skills, and I’ll decide in my book on whether you live, die, or rise from the dead.

Survival Questions

Q1. So, what’s the plan? You must have a secret retreat or hidey-hole you've always thought about going to if things turned ugly right? Up in the hills? The big city? (are you mad!) Board up your house and camp in the basement? Between me and you… where is it?

Well, I really shouldn't tell you if I'm honest. I mean I wouldn't want you all trying to sneak in to my hideout… Okay, I’ll tell you since you asked so nicely. It would be at my daughter’s school. There are 6-7 ft bars around the entire perimeter. There will be food there, books, first aid. There is outside space etc. I'm pretty sure it has its own generator. I would lock those gates tight and stay there.

Q2. Wow, great hide-out, but how the hell are you going to get there? I think we’re going to need a car at some point. What car are you going to be on the look-out for? (You can’t drive you say! You’re doomed, doomed I tell you… Oh, so you know someone who can drive, okay, well what car are they after then?)

I’d like to say that I would run there, but I wouldn't want to get cornered so I would take our car.

Q3. Any clue as to where you’re going to find such a vehicle? Neighbour? Car garage? Or just see what you stumble upon? Randomly, do you think that you’re going to be looking for diesel or un-leaded?

In the private car park at the back of the house. It’s a Toyota Rav 4 so it should do the trick, but there are tons of other cars there also, so we should be good for any circumstances.

Q4. Phew… that was close! Right, so we’re on our way to your great hideout. We've got our wheels, but wait, we need to stock up on food! What are you going to be taking? Dry food? Fresh food? Canned food?

Since it’s only round the corner and there is food there, I won’t need to take much food. The school should be pretty stocked with dried pasta’s and flour etc. I will take the canned food though. Shove them all in a back pack and make a dash for the car. They may weight me down, but they are also heavy if I need to swing the bag at a zombie.

Q5. Where are you going to get it from? Scavenge house to house or supermarket stop?

Just my house. Though, let’s be serious, there would be no way that I would be going to a supermarket. That would be madness. No, I would be going house to house once things calmed down. In each house there would be a possibility of finding survivors and if there were zombies, there won’t be to many in each house.

Q6. What about medicine and bandages etc? Have you already got a good medicine box or are we going to have to stop for that too? If we’re going to stop, are we going to a chemist (smaller so less risk, but also less meds) or a hospital? (more meds but bigger danger)

I've got a pretty good medicine box, and the school should have one also , but if I do ever need to get more first aid I will be going into small doctors surgeries. Never, I repeat, never a hospital!

Q7. Hey, you any good with a gun? Do you know where we can get one?

Nope, but my zombie survival team is excellent and so I think that I would be just fine. They can always show me, and I’m a really quick learner.

Q8. Okay, so we have time to pack a ‘dream survival pack’ (I know, right!) What are you going to pack? Weapon, meds, food, space shuttle out of this madness?

Okay, so I would pack some really sharp knives AND a knife sharpener for when it they get blunt. I would pack some ration packs for food and some canned fruit. Fruit is going to be a luxury very soon. My medicine pack would contain, some energy tablets, vitamin tablets, painkillers, bandages, sutures, antiseptic spray/cream, safety fasteners. I would be wearing my big doc martin boots and some thick socks, a t-shirt and hoody and some cargo pants- you know the ones with tons of pockets!

My two luxury items would be, baby wipes (because those things can be used for everything!) and toothpaste and brush.

Q9. Who would be in your ideal ‘zombie survival team’? Anyone you want, famous or not…

My dream team would be, Tim JD (you are a genius when it comes to making things) San (since you have a massive stock of awesome weapons and he’s a chef) my auntie Milly (since she can cook anything and knows loads about foods and vitamins and zombie survival- she reads a lot of stuff ha ha) My best friend Kate (just because she would kick arse and I love her to death) oh, and The Australian guy who played Spartacus. The guy is hot and can fight!

Q10. Okay, now realistically, who would be in your team?

Kate, my auntie Milly, my hubby- even if he says he wouldn’t pick me (evil, isn’t he!) Duncan and Britta because they are so clued up on a zombie apocalypse it’s amazing.

These people are all easily accessible to me, since they live pretty close, and I’m sure that they would all be bringing their family along too.

Q11. Your house is being over-run. You have just enough time to grab three things- not including people- what are you going to take?

(Question courtesy of JR)

My dog. He is irritating as hell at times, but damn I love him.

My Doc Martin boots- comfy and practical.

A sharp knife!

Q12. How are you for foraging in the wilderness? Do you know your poison berries from your magic mushrooms? Any tips?

Nooooooo, I’m rubbish at stuff like this, but I’ve borrowed some books on the subject and am learning. I’ll probably still suck at it though.

Part Two: Multiple Choice (Red Highlights Answers)

Q1. You see a crashed car by the side of the road. There’s someone inside screaming for help but they can’t get the door open. Zombies are getting closer and closer to the wreckage.

What do you do?

a.   Leave them behind

b. Stop and try and help them get out.

c. Drive by loudly honking your horn to distract the zombies and hopefully give the people inside more time to get out.

d.   Drive by and shoot the people inside. Better to die by the gun, than die by the dead.

Q2. What would be your weapon of choice?

a.   Gun (noisy but effective- well, if you can shoot anyway)

b.   Baseball bat (effective but messy)

c. Bow and arrow (effective but you need to be a good aim, and then there’s retrieving the damn arrows afterwards)

d.   A knife (effectiveness is up to you really, but you like it up close and personal)

e.    Another answer (come on, let’s be inventive with this one!)

Haha, yes I picked all of them! If I can only have one though I think that I would go for a bat. I’ve got a good swing on me- I hope, and I would hate having to get close enough to stab one! Urgghhh, unless San can show me how to use a sword and then I’d pick that! haha

Q3. Your partner/loved one has been bitten, what do you do?

(Question courtesy of San DK)

a.   Shoot them ASAP. You can’t stand the thought of them turning into one of them.

b.   Wait until the last possible moment before you kill them, and possibly yourself.

c.    Ignore the fact that they have been bitten, and hope for the best. (love does strange things to you.)

d.   As them to take their own life as you can’t do it yourself.

e.    Leave them as soon as you can. You can’t bare to see them change, but you also can’t bring yourself to kill them.



Q4. You are desperately short on food and weapons. When you come across    someone who has both. Do you…

(Question courtesy of San DK)

a.   Kill them and take what you need. (Needs must!)

b.   Befriend them, then wait until dark and steal what you need.

c.    Explain your desperate situation, and hope that they will help you.

d.   Make out you know of a safe house close by and lead them to it, in exchange for food and protection.

If they still wouldn’t help I would have to steal some from them I guess. I wouldn’t want to, but if I had no choice.

Q5. You come across a zombie child not too far from you. Do you… (Question courtesy of San DK)

a.   Avoid the zombie at all costs.

b.   Kill the zombie.

c.    Kill the zombie and keep the head as a trophy.

d.   It’s a child zombie and you can’t stand the thought of killing a child so you just chop the arms and legs off, maybe even smash out its teeth. (Well at least it can’t do any harm now!)

Kill it without a doubt. I wouldn't want to go near the thing, but a child should remain a child and the sooner it is dead the soon it can go back to be a child and not a zombie, even if it is dead.

Q6. You’re with a group, a zombie horde is closing in on you. One of the group members are injured and are slowing you down. What do you do? (Question courtesy of San DK)

a.   Keep going as a group, and face whatever happens together.

b.   You and the group leave them to fend for themselves, so that you can get away.

c.    You make them feel guilty, until they tell you to leave them and save yourself.

d.   You tell the rest of the group to go on ahead, and you stay with the injured person and try to find a safe place to hide.

I guess this depends on the type of person they were really. I’m sure that there are going to be selfish people in the group, and if this was one of those types of people I would still split them up from the group and try and save them, but if it looked like there was no hope I would kill them and leave them behind. I wouldn’t leave them to be eaten.

Q7. Who do you fear the most in an apocalypse?

a.   The zombies. (obviously)

b.   Evil rogues up to no good. (obviously)

c.    Good-two-shoes. (Their stupidity is going to get them killed, obviously)

d.   Your family members. (obviously)

I think both. People will turn bat-shit crazy when it comes down to it, but you can’t NOT fear the undead.

Q8. How do you like your zombies?

a.   Fast

b.   Slow

c.    Not moving! (yeah, you can’t pick this as an option!)

The only true zombie!

Q9. Besides the obvious of people and pets, what are you going to miss the most from your previous life?

a.   Hot baths/showers.

b.   Safety.

c.    Coffee/tea.

d.   Food in general.

e. Something else, please explain.

Yeah, I highlighted it all, because I would miss it all. I would also miss the simplicity of life as it is. My warm bed, turning the heating on if I’m cold, going to the cinema, going swimming, sitting down and reading a good book… just life in general I guess.

Q10. How bad do things have to get before you just give up and end it all?

a.   First zombie I see- I’m taking a bullet to the brain.

b.   As long as I’ve got food and a place to hide, I’ll keep on going

c.    I will never surrender!

d.   Other… tell me more.

I’ve always said that if a zombie apocalypse happened I would put a gun to my head or whatever, but I think if it cam e down to it I would want to survive. Humans have that survival instinct in them whether they want it or not.

I’ve filled in this questionnaire as if I didn’t have any kids. I’ll be honest, I can’t fill it in with their little faces in my mind. I can’t image or makes sense of them living in a world where the un-dead exist, so for me this was the only way to fill this in.

As a big thanks for doing this- helping me save the world, or at least saving my sorry arse- you now get to have a part in my new book. I’m not promising that you’re going to live by the way. That’s all down to how clever your answers were…